Shock and Awe

UltrasoundYou’ve heard the expression “shock and awe,” right?  Well, that is what I was feeling for several days after learning I was carrying twins.  Shock because I had never considered twins a possibility and awe that we were gifted with two babies.  This definitely changed our plan and I began to understand that I wasn’t in control after all.  Also, an unexpected feeling of guilt crept in – I had only been loving one baby, not two.  I know, it sounds silly, but I felt it just the same.  How quickly “mother’s guilt” reared its head! 

As we told more people our happy news, the reality of “two” set in.  It was exciting and terrifying at the same time!  Thankfully, we had made the decision for me to stay at home with children early in our marriage.  We were committed to that and had been working towards that.  I realize that to be home by choice is not a possibility for everyone, but it felt right to me.  Still, it was intimidating to think that I would be completely responsible for two babies right from the start!  It’s a good thing pregnancy takes nine months – I needed that time to mentally prepare for motherhood!  I had always wanted to be a mom, and I was fortunate to babysit for lots of great kids (and even a set of twins) growing up.  But this was the real deal – no going home after a few hours with cash in my pocket.  This would be my full-time job!

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